hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
