ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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