If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
