I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
