You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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