Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
