why didn't you poke me back
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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