i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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