I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
