Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
