i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
