I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
