I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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