Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
