We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
