i don't like sucking hair
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Randomize
