I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
