im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
