im holly from the hills drunk
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
