I think I am morally bankrupt
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
