i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
do nipples grow back?
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