dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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