On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
