fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
