i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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