I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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