Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
