you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
