From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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