Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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