If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
