I wanna bring you to show and tell
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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