Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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