you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
