My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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