I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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