Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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