dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We left the knife in your bed.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
