I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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