Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
