His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
