thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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