Only a mothe r could love this liver
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
