dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
