WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
