Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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