he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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