can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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