So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
