Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
