Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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